something I would say and yet daily delay despite how eagerly I would have her know this too, this most hopeful thought that dearly dawns my day and touching stays with me night after gentle night
something that reflects a meaningful seeking, a desirous peeking past words once spoken, words of solitary ambition— an intention of only me leaving a life behind to explore on my own
and yet, that is not me, not now, for in loving her am I become enamored of something far greater than a residual pleading me, you see, I long for more for something finer, fuller for a much brighter being
seeing and sweetly feeling this she whom I adore, I desire more than a once solitary existence emphatic in my freedom to explore unbounded dreams over mountain streams, wandering glens and forests unfettered
I can neither imagine nor again aspire to travel this world as me – simple selfish me – but as us, a word that conveys far more significance than any other syllable could, being at once an expression of truth and a magically inspiring journey
my heart sings, yet sometimes weeps for the dawning truth of the life she has lived giving generously of gracious her, enduring so much the ills thrust upon her by selfish others
when she speaks
my spirit playfully laughs mapping out moments of sheerest joy that gleefully toy with the bounds of feeling, peeling away layer by layers the loss, uncertainty and mere age
tonight I will sleep embraced by memories of her and awaken desperate my love to meet again, I will sigh at the memory of her every crimson touch, and will melt as her fears dissolve in our heat
I listen and rise, soaring gently over mountains, ascending flesh in flesh as we flow with the sea, tasting oceans of merriment and hope despite the ignorance I had dwelt within naïvely thinking my life to be done
when she speaks, I know so surely that this world is ours to compose with every breath she inspires in me when she speaks, I discover truth in the tiniest drop of sun that alights on the wing of the smallest ladybird
layers innumerable peeled gently sometimes timidly, circumspectly away before me reveal the painful, the pleasurable, the eager and awful, and the precarious steps you have taken to navigate through them all
layer by layer, step by step
i am sure that in their exposition there have been moments of fear— will he remain, or will he flee— yet these discoveries so much less than intimidate, or impossibly disgust; rather they nourish my hopeful heart
beat by beat, moment by moment
for in their revelation i perceive so sadly sweetly even tearfully signs of knowing emboldened by indomitable you, and in their telling i hear your years and i loving wonder at the gentle beauty you ever convey
The degrees I have collected are evidence of commitment rather than any intelligence, for if I were really so astute, then why have I stumbled so often through these years as if incapable of learning from my abundant mistakes?
I have indeed lived a full life: have sired beautiful children, acquired multiple languages, and lived in several countries. I have seen my books published hosted a show on television, and composed more poems than anyone should ever endure.
I have been places and seen things that evoke envy in others. And yet, beyond the superficial glamor of it all, I have failed time and again to recognize and honor the value of truth or to embrace the unconstructed beauty of an honest love.
Which is perhaps why now when all else is said and done my soul can stand thus naked beneath the sun and unfettered declare in a voice quiet yet keen: I am a fool and have always been. Yet let not my mistakes define me, but my eagerness to learn from them,
The enormity of words is so oft forgotten, he said, buried beneath the banalities of an unremarkable life, and yet it is through speech through voice, that I find an incomparable strength an unimaginable vitality in the simplest acts of being.
I have listened to you with the utmost attention, to your sweetly spoken and every whispered word, and I know that you doubt this, but there is in your voice a truth that reaches deeply inside this me and caresses my depleted soul back to life.
Your words impress patterns on a moment unexpected. My words beggar disbelief, I know, as no one could possibly accept their veracity, so swiftly felt and so zealously conveyed. And yet they are the truth, so I offer them to you without any expectation of return.
Rather I say them now so that you may know how wonderful you are:
I love you. And I hope that some wondrous day you may feel the same.