open seas

as the waves rose ever higher
i grasped the tiller hard and fast
and searched the waters behind
scanned the horizon beyond
apprehensive of what lay ahead
knowing no more of what awaited me
but only keenly feeling the fear
that clawed at my calloused skin
this angrily aching aging shell
of fury and doubt and distrust
that has so long imprisoned
my fervently frustrated soul

such is the make of a man unrefined
the mark of a man undefined
by clear and conscious reflection
that he would lean then on the tiller
and strive his vessel to return
as swiftly as may be to the haven
of his all too familiar native port
so far short of the goals he desired
of that to which he in earnest aspired
before the grasping need of years
before the deftly growing fears
his heart had cowardly overtaken

yet hearing then the voice of the wind
feeling then the outstretched limb
of time’s so fateful trembling
of time’s insatiable dissembling
pretending at truths beyond nature
preening colors grown too bold
by the coldly demeaning stature
of solitude and sorrow and death,
i stayed the course that i had chosen
craving the hope that dearest love
had to my soul imparted and never—
never will i look back again

waiting in silence

my heart trembles in moments
that crumble quite effortlessly
beneath the pitiless weight
of waiting alone

my heart bleeds an angry voice
so egregiously impertinent
perfectly hardening marrow
to shivered stone

every night i listen quite untended
as silence beckons an end
to a mournful melody
that no one can hear

every night i weep for a grove
that could never grow free
of these clamorous needs
that thrive in such fear

Salinas 19 Dec 2012

without you

at this moment
this very moment

when ambition fails
utterly to commend
even the slightest
simplest movement

when flesh tightens
and bones calcify
eyes bereft of all but
the humblest sight

when spirits insensate
so sinfully ignored
and swiftly interred
in mountains of dust

at this moment
this very moment

hearts persist
in beating
far too loudly
to be heard

please

make it stop

Salinas 19 Dec 2012

now i see

i see
all at once
how her hand
on my arm lightly rests
caressing with such simple intent

i feel
how the air
trembles at her touch
how time itself bows majesty
before her faintly ever glowing flesh

i want
god how i need
to take her poised hand
into my very own and press it
fast against my lips longing for more

i am
so compelled
to bend reverential
to kneel before only her
to kiss this urgency from her thighs

i fear
this distance
intrinsically patterned
by days accumulating dully
like stones rising over my barrow

i pray

and wait

and listen to the trees

Salinas 18 Dec 2012

bound

willful whispers arrange
the beats of this heart,
voices that shroud
these virulent nights
with aberrant loathing
and derivative dreams

perceptive phantoms
carve tokens of truth
on each and every page
spelling the most abject
syllabic mediocrity ever
to be lisped by such a

cunning

craven

whore

Salt Lake City 03 Dec 2012

haggling with hades

o why must you taunt me now
tormenting tears from these
weary eyes longing for her
hungry for the mere sight
a bare glimpse of my beloved

i would so curse your barren soul
this coldest heart of darkness
dripping callous cringing lips
of your desiccated flayed flesh
facing the world in brazen jest

but how could i dare condemn
the only world i may know
the truest realm to which
my senses reeling adhere in
fitting fear and foulest desire

would it please you demon more
perhaps to see me craven beg
pleading for the very embrace
you would never allowance
give, cower though i might

o night, the time approaches
however pale and ponderously
when a decision must be made
and paid for most dearly with
an ounce of flesh or more

then grant me this at least
you most ruthless bastard:
to be a man in her embrace
once more before i decaying
become but ashes in yours

Salt Lake City 02 Oct 2012

i am yours

forgive this desperate soul
raging in the darkness
howling feral at the moon
it must surely adore

forgive this quaking voice
murmuring mirthless groans
stuttering groundless fears
it should never proclaim

without your touch to define me
i grow shapeless, dwelling in obscurity

without your voice to guide me
i wander aimless these salted tracts

for you see
i am yours
and in so being
am i fulfilled

Salt Lake City 03 Sep 2012

Fear and Longing

This vessel decays with such shameful alacrity
as if enraptured with winged Thanatos himself
when in fact fair Venus were a better mate to claim.
What purpose then this impetuous pursuit
this bold and baudy clambering down and down
into the very pit of cruelly smoldering Chaos
when a mere glance from these weary eyes
to heavens high should enable a finer sentiment?
Instead I do but look upon thee and thereby glean
from thy sweet visage, oh, most silently adored
a fitful perusal of the blatant maladies entrenched
in the lines carved across my time beaten brow.
No, dutiful Chronos has not been kind to me
indifferently turning his awesome wheel of fate
while I, a dull and dented lout do pitiously plead
for one more year, one more chance, one more love
to stoke the sputtering flame of this failing heart
to tempt this leathery flesh once more to blossom
at your so gentle touch unintended, my love…
Or so he mumbles as the gates to Hades’ burning realm
slam shut upon him and a familiar voice much detested
cries out, “Here at last, my friend. Welcome home.”

(Salt Lake City 26 April 2012)